People Care Much Less About You Than You Think! Breaking Free From the 'Judgement Of Others' and How To Find Inner Peace And Self-Love

Oh, my beautiful Starling, have you ever felt like the whole world has its eyes on you? Like every little move, word, or awkward moment is being carefully analysed, judged and scrutinised by others? Do you feel like people are constantly forming opinions about you, judging your actions, or misinterpreting your intentions?

If so, welcome to the human experience!

We all fall into this trap from time to time. This common psychological phenomenon is called the ‘spotlight effect’, and it tricks us into believing we’re the main character in everyone else’s story. We have the tendency to overestimate how much others notice and focus on us.

But here’s the thing… people are way too busy being the main character in ‘their own’ story.

The truth is, people are far more absorbed in their own thoughts, worries and insecurities than they are in analysing your every action. Just like you are.

So hear me out when I say: “Starlings, You’re Freer Than You Think!”

When Perception Becomes Projection

Let me share a little something that I commonly observe.

I recently had an experience that truly illuminated this effect again. I found myself accused of things I had no part in, actions I never took, words I never spoke, and thoughts I never entertained. These accusations weren’t based on anything I actually did, but on the assumptions and projections of others. They believed I held a certain opinion about them, that I was judging or even attacking them, when in truth, I wasn’t thinking about them at all, not out of coldness of course, but simply because I was busy being, well… me!

It was like someone had written an entire script about me and I hadn’t even auditioned for the role!

This was deeply unsettling, because the person chose abandonment over connection.

It highlighted once more, how much of human interaction happens in our own minds rather than in reality.

People construct entire narratives about how they believe they are perceived, without any factual basis. And just as I was falsely cast into a role I never played, I wondered: How often do we all do this to ourselves? How often do we assume others are thinking the worst about us when, in reality, they aren’t thinking about us (much) at all?

So much of what we believe others think about us is nothing more than our own projections (or theirs). We all build stories in our heads, but rarely do those stories reflect reality.

How the Spotlight Effect Steals Your Joy

When you live under the illusion that people are constantly judging you, it takes a serious toll:

• A decline in quality of life. You hesitate to take action, speak up, or express yourself freely for fear of negative judgment. And instead of just ‘living’, you’re stuck in a loop of overthinking and second-guessing.


• A lack of inner freedom and self-confidence. You become paralysed by self-consciousness, always questioning how you appear to others instead of being present in your own life. You feel restricted, hesitant, and afraid to be your true, magnificent self.


• Psychological and physical symptoms. Constantly worrying about what others think creates stress, anxiety, and even physical symptoms like headaches, muscle tension, and fatigue. Your nervous system is on edge, chronically… all because you’re expecting criticism that may never even exist.


In short, living with the spotlight effect can be emotionally exhausting. It traps you in a cycle of fear, making it impossible to fully enjoy life or cultivate true self-love.

And the most tragic part? None of it is real.

People aren’t paying nearly as much attention to you as you think. Not because you’re not amazing (you ARE!), but because they’re too busy worrying about their own imaginary spotlight.

Becoming Aware of the Spotlight Effect

Awareness is the first step to liberation. Next time you catch yourself spiralling into ‘What will they think?’, try this:

• Pause and question your assumptions. When you catch yourself worrying about what someone thinks of you, ask yourself: Do I have actual evidence of this, or is it just in my head?


• Remember how little attention you pay to others. Think of a time when someone else made a mistake or did something embarrassing. How long did you dwell on it? Likely, not long at all. The same applies to others’ thoughts about you.


• Consider their inner world. People are mostly preoccupied with their own lives, struggles, and emotions, not yours. Their thoughts about you (if they have any at all) are fleeting.

How to Break Free and Dance in Your Own Light

Once you recognise the spotlight effect within you in action, you can choose to step into true freedom. Here’s how:

• Shift your focus inward. Instead of worrying about others’ perceptions, ask yourself: “Do I love and respect who I am?” Because, that’s what truly matters. It only matters how you feel about your actions and integrity. You know yourself best.


• Embrace imperfection. We all trip over our own feet sometimes (literally and metaphorically). Instead of cringing, laugh at yourself and embrace the messiness of being human! No one is perfect, and no one expects you to be. Making mistakes or being misunderstood is part of the human experience.


• Cultivate self-love and inner security. The more you nurture confidence and self-acceptance, the less external opinions you care about. Practices like meditation, affirmations, and mindfulness can help and so can a trauma-informed therapists.


• Engage in exposure therapy. If fear of judgment holds you back, push yourself to do small things that make you uncomfortable. Wear that bold outfit. Practice speaking up in that meeting. Over time, you’ll see that people don’t react nearly as much as you fear. Bit by bit, you’ll see that nothing terrible happens when you let your light shine.


• Detach from others’ projections. When people project their fears, insecurities, or assumptions onto you, -Breathe. Release. Move on.- and remind yourself that it says more about their inner world than it does about you. It is their inner world, not your’s. Let them live there and let yourself live with you.

You. Are. Free. Sparkling Souls!

The spotlight effect is one of the biggest mental illusions that keeps us trapped in self-doubt. But once you recognise it, you can break free from it. (…didn’t you sign up to break cycles?)

So, once you see through it, you get to reclaim your joy, your confidence, and the absolute freedom to be yourself, without the weight of imaginary, or projected judgment. You gain the freedom to be yourself, to live fully, and to love yourself unconditionally.

So go ahead, Starlings. Live boldly. Shine unapologetically. And whenever the little voice in your head whispers, “What will they think?”, smile, shrug, and remind yourself: “They’re probably not thinking about me at all!”

Let go of the fear. Step into your light. The only opinion that truly matters is your own.

With love, radiance and a whole lot of freedom,

Virginie 💛

P.S. Need Support Shifting Out Of The Spotlight Effect?

If the spotlight effect seems too stubborn to smile off and it is causing you emotional discomfort or to isolate, you don’t have to navigate it alone. My 8-week healing program is designed to help you shift out of it and embrace the truly free and gifted light you are.

Alternatively, my weekly meditation classes offer a gentle, heart-centred space to reconnect with yourself, finding peace and self-acceptance in the present moment.

Or simply take advantage of a FREE 15 minute call to find out how I can best help you live your most amazing life.