"Bad Things Always Happen To Me" How Confirmation Bias Keeps You Stuck

Oh, my beautiful Starlings, let’s talk about something sneaky—something so subtle that it shapes the way you see the world without you even realising it. Have you ever noticed that once you believe something—whether it’s "I’m not good enough", "People don’t really like me" or "I’ll never be successful" —your brain suddenly finds all the evidence to prove it true? It’s almost like your mind is playing detective, but instead of being neutral, it’s got a serious bias toward proving your fears and doubts right.

This is called confirmation bias, and it’s the reason why your brain is always working overtime to prove your own thoughts and beliefs right—even when they’re not helping you!

You see, our minds love efficiency. Instead of constantly questioning everything, the brain takes shortcuts. And one of its favourite tricks is filtering reality in a way that supports whatever story we’re already telling ourselves.

This is great when you’re reinforcing a positive belief like "I am loved and supported", but not so great when your mind clings to "I always mess things up”.

If you believe you’re unlovable, your brain will highlight every rejection and ignore all the love that’s actually around you. If you think people are always judging you, your mind will latch onto a stranger’s random glance and spin it into proof of their disapproval.

The result? You stay stuck in the same loop, reinforcing the same old beliefs, even if they’re keeping you small, anxious, or unhappy. But don’t worry—there’s a way out. Let’s dive in!

The Science of Confirmation Bias

Confirmation bias is a well-documented cognitive bias in psychology. It’s the brain’s way of seeking, interpreting, and remembering information that aligns with our existing beliefs. Think of it as an internal “yes-man” that only shows you what fits your narrative.

Neuroscientists have found that when we encounter information that contradicts our beliefs, our brain experiences discomfort, a phenomenon called cognitive dissonance. Instead of reconsidering our stance, we often reject the new information or twist it to fit what we already believe. It’s like trying to shove a puzzle piece into the wrong spot and insisting, No, no, it fits perfectly!

How This Plays Out in Real Life

✨ Example 1: The ‘Nobody Likes Me’ Loop

Let’s say you believe that people don’t really like you. When a friend takes a little longer than usual to text back, your mind goes, See? They don’t care about me. Meanwhile, you completely overlook the thoughtful message they sent yesterday or the way they light up when they see you.

✨ Example 2: ‘I Always Fail’ Syndrome

Ever met someone who believes they’re bad at relationships, business, or any new challenge? They will notice every setback, mistake, or criticism while ignoring all the times they succeeded, learned, or grew. They think they’re gathering “evidence,” but really, they’re just reinforcing a belief that isn’t the full truth.

✨ The “Bad Things Always Happen to Me” Mindset


Ever met someone who believes they have the worst luck? Maybe they spill their coffee in the morning, hit traffic on the way to work, and forget an important email attachment. By the end of the day, they sigh and say, “See? Nothing ever goes right for me.”

But what about the good things that happened that day? The stranger who held the door open, the colleague who complimented their idea, the delicious lunch they had? Their brain completely dismisses those moments because it’s too busy gathering evidence to support the “I have bad luck” narrative.

Those mindsets can keep someone feeling powerless and stuck in a cycle of negativity—when in reality, life is always a mix of ups and downs.

Dear Starling, can you see how sneaky this is? ...we create a mental filter that only lets in what matches our internal story, reinforcing our limiting beliefs over and over again.

How to Break Free and Rewrite the Narrative

So, now that we brought awareness to this trickster mindset thing, here is the good news…

Just like you’ve trained your mind to confirm limiting beliefs, you can train it to find empowering ones instead! Here’s how:

✨ Step 1: Catch Yourself in the Act - The moment you notice your brain proving a negative belief right, pause. Ask yourself: Am I actually seeing the full picture, or am I filtering reality through my fears?

✨ Step 2: Question Your Thoughts - The next time you find “proof” that supports a negative belief, pause and ask: Is this 100% true? Could there be another explanation? Often, there is!

✨ Step 3: Actively Look for Opposing Evidence - If you believe “people don’t like me,” start collecting moments that prove otherwise. A smile from a stranger, a kind comment, a heartfelt message—gather these like treasures.

✨ Step 4: Flip the Narrative - Instead of thinking, "I always mess up" try "I am learning and growing". Instead of "Nobody likes me" say "I am worthy of love and connection". Your brain will start adapting to the new script if you repeat it enough.

✨ Step 5: Embrace Cognitive Flexibility - Train your brain to see multiple possibilities. Instead of thinking, "They didn’t text back because they’re ignoring me", consider, "Maybe they’re just busy or forgot". Practicing this flexibility helps you step out of rigid, limiting narratives. You might also like to check out this blog titled "The Spotlight Effect: People Care Much Less About You Than You Think"

✨ Step 6: Surround Yourself with Truth-Tellers - Find people who will gently call you out when you’re being unfair to yourself. Sometimes we need a loving reminder from someone outside our own head!

✨ Step 7: Embrace a Playful Perspective - Honestly, Sparks of Lights, we take ourselves way too seriously sometimes. What if we treated our thoughts like playful little tricksters instead of absolute truths? Next time your mind serves you a dramatic story, just chuckle and say, "Oh, brain, you and your dramatic stories!"

You Are Not Your Thoughts, My Radiant Starling!

Remember, your mind is not your enemy—it’s just been trained to be efficient and in this case to confirm a story that may not serve you at all. The moment you realise you have the power to change that story, you step into true freedom.

Here is the kicker! YOU are the one observing your thoughts and being aware of the narrative. And if you are the observer, why don’t you step in as the loving guardian of your mind and offer a more supportive narrative?

So, my radiant Starlings, go forth and lovingly question the trickster mind! Notice where your confirmation bias is keeping you small and start rewriting the script. You deserve an amazing narrative. The world is so much bigger, kinder, and more open to you than your mind has led you to believe.

You are indeed so much more powerful than any thoughts. Remember who you truly are, my spark of light!

With so much love and believe in you,

Virginie 💛

P.S. If you need support forming a new narrative, please reach out.

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