Updated: Apr 1, 2022
I heard someone say: “Just because you love me doesn’t mean I feel loved by you.”
Wow. What a statement!
I have been thinking about this very concept ever since my daughter was born.
What does my love mean to her?
Does she know how deep my love for her is? How is her perception of her world receiving my love for her?
And besides, every time I say “I love you”, it is about me not about her.
Let’s think about this for a moment.
Just because I love her, doesn’t mean that she automatically feels loved. The statement ‘I love you’ has nothing to do with her, really. It is an ‘I’ statement, expressing a thought or an emotion I feel in that moment.
Having been aware of this for quite awhile, I thought so hard as to how I can express my deep love in a way where it is about her and not about me. So I mixed my ‘I love yous’ up with ‘You are so loved’.
‘You are loved’ is a statement, she can internalise and integrate. The other day I heard her talk to herself and she said: “I am loved”. Wow! Witnessing that moment made me realise how much power there is in the way we communicate with each other. I highly doubt she would have internalised my 'I love yous'. To be honest no one can internalise ‘I love you’, because it is not about the person. She could in a way say ‘you love me’, but again that statement would still not be about her. It is about me loving her and not her feeling loved by me or her ultimately knowing within her being that she is loved.
As you read these lines, I invite you now to say out loud “I love you” and now say out loud “You are loved”. Can you feel the difference in your own being? When we say ‘I love you’ we hold onto the feeling of love. When we say ‘You are loved’, we share our love and love flows.
One statement makes the love about oneself, the other statement makes the love about the other person. What a realisation!
So that’s part one of my internal reflections of late. The other part is, how can one feel everything BUT love in the presence of someone who continuously says ‘I love you’?
How can an abusive person say ‘I love you’ to his/her victim? Again the answer is quite simple. Because the statement ‘I love you’ is not about the other person, it is about the abusive person. The abusive person merely responds to the way his/her victim is making the abuser feel at times. And when the victim pleases the abuser, the abuser may state to the victim “I love you”. This however is not a statement of love, it is simply an internal response to the victim’s act of pleasing the abuser. This statement is about the abuser not the victim. The victim will hear the words but not feel loved. That causes so much confusion in the victim. Understandably.
In my practise I hear it over and over, “…but he loves me. He tells me every time!”
We must take a step back and realise the way we communicate in our society and most of what we say to others is most certainly most of the time, always about ourselves!
We listen to respond, not to hear.
We speak to share our opinion, not to add value to someones personal path of enlightenment.
We engage with others to be entertained, not to get to know the inner workings of someone.
We offer help to receive something in return, be that a materialistic exchange of some sort or a favourable reputation.
We see people not for who they are, we see them for who we are.
Where has unconditional relating, unconditional love and unconditional presence gone? Has it actually ever been there? Many aren’t aware that what I am writing about is even a thing. The awareness isn’t there. Yet.
But it is rising. I see that in my practise too. Sometimes all it takes is the expression of concepts such as this in the space of unconditional presence.
More and more people are expanding their awareness to such concepts and the way their presence, communication and relating impacts the people in their lives.
A wonderful change is here. A change in which we collectively shift from a “me” consciousness to a “we” consciousness.
A change in which it is not longer appealing to satisfy oneself with all sorts of gratifications but to bring service to others. Unconditionally. And that is where the love is. That kind of love can be felt by others, undoubtedly. Even without the use of words.
Here is to those who pave the way and hold this awareness and unconditional consciousness. The Starseeds, the Lightworkers, the Cyclebreakers and the Wayshowers who have transcended earth consciousness and bring cosmic unity consciousness to earth.